HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?????

One year is OVER. 
Today was my last day at the Hospital. 
This hospital in Nzara where I have worked for the past 4 months since I was evacuated from my beautiful Ezo. 
All the nurses and patients, nuns and staff were so sad. Some were crying.
I had all I could do, not to cry and keep to it "together". 
So grateful for this amazing experience.
My friend Dr. Daniel Doyle, a cardiologist from Australia  who also comes to South Sudan to help sent me such an appropriate story today via email. 
It is called the "The Mighty Life of Oliver Sacks" Captured by Norman Doidge. 
Appropriate for me today because it is about being grateful for our experiences and our journey. 

The last part reads:
"Perhaps because gratitude does not always go unopposed. Psychoanalysts have
often seen gratitude as having an emotional opposite, envy. Sometimes a flash of
envy can be a helpful sign, a spur that tells you, "You know, you really want this – try
for it."
But very often, the envious person sees something wonderful in the world, and
instead of appreciating it, attempts to make the envious feeling go away, by
devaluing or denying its worth (those grapes were sour, anyway); or he or she may
try to spoil or destroy the envied object in reality. If one does this enough, one ends
up feeling starved, because one finds oneself living in an emptied world. The envious
have a particularly hard time growing old and dying.
They cannot tolerate the fact that the young, and not they, have their lives before
them. They feel pain, and emptiness. We speak of people being consumed with envy
– but filled with gratitude. It's paradoxical that, by acknowledging that there are
wonderful things in the world, and that we are incomplete, we can feel filled up –
even as we bid the world farewell.
Ms Edgar told me that her atheist friend sometimes liked to be read, of all things, the
Bible. When I think of Oliver's last days, I think of a biblical sentence that I've always
found instructive in the twofold art of living and dying.
It reads, "And Abraham died … full of years."
Not emptied

I hope when I die someday, they will say, "And Rachael died.....full of years". 

I feel full of joy, gratitude and full of years.
Tomorrow I will go to Yambio for a CMMB celebration of my year volunteering here with Safe Motherhood Project.
Then on to Juba.
Then to Boston Via Dubai.
Some time next week I will arrive back in Boston.
Unless I decide to go somewhere else immediately..... (just kidding)(not really)

I am SO SAD to leave these beautiful people and this broken country.
As you know I have been all over the world, to every continent except Antarctica and here in Ezo, Western Equatoria, South Sudan I lived really  "Golden" months of my entire life.
I am so grateful to God that I was allowed to know this and live this gratefully as I was here, that it was a special time in my life.
I treasured every moment and lived every moment to the fullest. 

Everyone was so wonderful to me.
I have no regrets, Thank God. 

Even the day I was kidnapped by the Rebels, they did not physically hurt me and now I have the BEST story of my entire family for the rest of my life!!!! hahaha!!!!! 
I am so humbled as usual when I finish one of these trips. 
God the creator of the universe, the almighty ONE looks at little insignificant, sinful, selfish me and LOVES ME!! 
God sends me the greatest people in my life, the greatest experiences. 
Who am I to deserve this treatment of favor? 
Wow!!!!! 

Thank you South Sudan. 

Thank you people of Ezo, Nzara, Yambio. 

Thank you CMMB. 

Thank you Diocese of Tombura- Yambio. 

Thank you Comboni Missionary Nuns. 

Thank you Staff of Hospital in Ezo and in Nzara. 

Thank you all the patients who entrusted their lives to me. Their health to me. 

GIVE THANKS TO THE LORD FOR HE IS GOOD; HIS LOVE ENDURES FOREVER. 

Psalm 107:1

Picture!!!!

Everyone is SOOO generous and kind to me.
One of my colleagues who ran the HIV program in Ezo, from Uganda, Dr Mustapha had his uncle a professional tailor make this for me. It is called a Ketenge.

Ezo: Land of the Living Dead.

2 weeks ago I received a call that made me so happy.
Elated actually.
One of the CMMB Managers asked me if I wanted to join them on an expedition with a large convoy of NGOs (non governmental organizations) to Ezo.
They were going to do an "evaluation" for NGOs with the United Nations to see how prepared Ezo is for us to return and the programs to continue and what emergency supplies are needed there.
Of course he did not expect me to scream, "YES" on the phone.
I was so very excited to go.
I thought to myself, no matter what I see or the evaluation is, I am going to say that I need to go back to Ezo immediately and continue my Safe Motherhood project.
It has been 3 months since I have left Ezo and have NOT performed a SINGLE surgery because here the Comboni Nuns in Nzara do not have an Operating Room/Theater, do NOT have a Maternity Ward, NO Labor and Delivery.
For those of you who know me, you know that my FAVORITE patients in the world are pregnant women, women with Gynecologic problems, et cetera.
My passion is performing deliveries, Cesarean Sections, cool  Gynecology surgeries.
My FAVORITE time this year were the first 7 months I was in Ezo. Literally saving woman's lives. Wow!!! How fulfilling!!!!!
That is MY VOCATION, my purpose in life to take care of Obstetric and Gynecology patients. My supreme destiny.  For this purpose I was created. For this noble work I was born.
Soooooooooooo.............................
On February 10th, 11th and 12th, I went with a large group of people from different NGOs to evaluate Ezo.
My Beautiful Ezo...
We arrived in Ezo and I could not even recognize the place.
It is dry season and bush fires every where.
But the real reason I was shocked was......
The entire town of Ezo and the county is abandoned.
My lively, friendly, welcoming Ezo looks like a picture from a horror movie.
The 40 thousand people of the town of Ezo are not there with the exception of a like 20 people literally. The people  are ALL still hiding in the bush.
Home after home, compound after compound are abandoned.
Homes are burnt purposefully.
Homes are bombed out.
The 90 to 100 thousand people from the county are mostly hiding in the bush. They are still fearing the looting (stealing), insecurity.
No local government officials are there.
We went to 4 different Government Clinics called here PHCC and PHCU (Primary Health Care Centers or Units)
All the equipment has been looted except for one place Madoro.
All the medicines are finished except Madoro.
Madoro just had MSF donate medicines and the Comboni Nuns from here in Nzara donated medicines as well.
People are walking greater than 4 hours to get to these clinics.
There are NO skilled Medical Personnel at ANY of the facilities.
The situation of HORRIBLE.
One of my colleagues performed the Nutritional portion of the evaluation and the number of Moderate to Severe malnourished children is devastating. The number of severe Malnourished children is shocking.
My portion of the evaluation was the Health Status.
I wanted to cry.
People coming out of the bush. Like zombies.
People that were previously super healthy, fit people are now malnourished and dehydrated.
After now being in the bush for 3 months, they are so weak and devastated they look confused and mentally unstable.
The last stop was the worse because it was mostly people from Ezo town who had left to hide.
They were crying and hugging me.
They were begging me to come back.
They were telling me that they stopped counting Maternal Deaths after November 31st because there were already 6.
From November 18 to the end of November.... 6 of my beautiful pregnant women had died.
5 from mal-position of the baby and one from a Post Partum hemorrhage.
Which ones????
I am haunted seeing all the smiling faces that last day of Prenatal Clinic on November 18th, Wednesday morning.
The beautiful, smiling faces of the 50 Moms who came to see me.
Laughing with me, as I told them in local language, sit closer, drink more water, and greeting each one as they arrived.
I see the faces laughing as I tell them in their language to eat greens.
Which ones died?
Why????
Why was I not there for them????
Well, I knew I could not cry in front of all the people there on Friday morning our last evaluation and last day.
I remembered what a wonderful strong Kenyan Comboni Mother Superior told me here, "Rachael, you must remember, you are a HOPE to these people.They need your joy, your smile."
She was correct.
I smiled and attempted to speak in the local language about food.
Everyone started to laugh.
They all hugged me smiling and laughing.
That is my last gift to the people of Ezo.
Joy. Laughter.
On a practical note, the last day if you can imagine, the Army started to shoot gunfire and RPGs the big blasts.
Everyone in the group was freaking out.
We had to rapidly leave Ezo in our convoy.
We were told that there was reports of Rebels, stealing the last food from people hiding in the bush and assaulting women so the Soldiers went to stop it.
Of course that sadly "sealed the deal".
Everyone was saying that without any of the local governmental figures (the Commissioner, the Chief Payam, the Executive Director, etc) Ezo is NOT secure.
I could only stay quiet.
I could not say what I desired in my heart, to go back to Ezo and help.
I knew no one would ever agree.
So the NGOs including CMMB (Catholic Medical Mission Board) are going to send supplies and nutrition and medicines to the locals who are there working in the facilities. Of course we are talking about minimally skilled personnel.
The United Nations had now removed all the Congolese refugees from there.
As one of the women from the group said, "If the UN leaves, you know there is big trouble."
My Ezo, my beautiful Ezo, my beautiful people who were SO kind and opening and welcoming to me.
Thank you Ezo.
You are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
The pregnant women's faces haunt me at night.
I beg the universe to allow us to live in a world where peace and equality are "normal".
Please continue to pray for me.
Thank you all for your words of encouragement and love.
Good night and God bless.

60 PAIRS OF EYES FOLLOW ME!!!

Here in Nzara the nun running the hospital since I arrived here on December 16th has placed me in charge of the "Adult Medical Ward".
Because there are very few Obstetric and Gynecology cases at this hospital as they have NO Operating room. No certified Midwives, very few nurses who perform deliveries.

I am one of 2 Obstetrician and Gynecologists in the state and the ONLY American Board Certified Obstetrician and Gynecology Surgeon in the ENTIRE country.

BUT I round on Medical Adults every day.
Since the war started in Ezo on November 18th, I have NOT performed ONE single surgery. No C-sections, no hysterectomies, no laparotomies. Nothing..
No Pre-natal clinic with many happy pregnant women.

But I decided to follow my Aunt Antonette's Motto, "Bloom where you are planted".

The 60 patients in the "Adult Medical Ward" that have AIDS, Malaria and TB have NEVER had a physician like me!!!
Haha!!!
When I first came I realized these people are all depressed. Not eating, not bathing, smelly clothes and bed sheets. They are dying, there is war.

So.........

I decided to shake it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I arrive in the morning, I greet them singing, in the local language, Good Morning Everyone!!!! Are you there????
This makes them all so happy and laugh because I make such a great effort to speak Zande and Arabic to them.
Then I go from bed to bed.
I sit on the edge of the bed, I ask them what they ate last night for supper as my first question which blows their mind.
Then I comment on how I enjoy local food such as Kpokuto Gardia which are greens prepared with ground nut paste and then steamed in banana leaves. YUMMY!!!!
Or Kpokuto Kpoto which is cow's skin cooked with Ground nut paste (peanut-butter). SUPER YUMMY!!!
And of course Bahkinde which is cassava flour mixed with water. It is sticky and thick. The carbohydrate base of the meal. YUM!
This makes them laugh and laugh that a white woman knows all about their food.
Because all the white people they know and most people from even other African countries do not eat their food.
But all those who know me, know that I enjoy trying new foods then commenting and discussing how delicious the food is.

I also whistle when they have taken a shower, bath and put on clean clothes.
Whistling is a "man's" thing to do here and not many men even know how to whistle as loudly as I do.
So they LOVE it.
They laugh and laugh.
Now they are all showering, putting on clean clothes, changing the bed sheets, eating food so they can tell me all about it.
It is so wonderful!!!!!!.

Originally I was told me that most of these people will die here but we have had many discharges and they go home happy because I make such a fuss over the excitement of their discharge!!
NOW in the morning.....
When I arrive at the hospital 60 pairs of eyes follow my every move.
The nurses are so happy with the change and the way we round.
The nurses ALL want me to stay here in Nzara and not go back to Ezo.

CD4 counts are checked because I am so curious, most are on last line therapy, Stage 4 AIDS.
We check TB status.
We give them the works. (of course what we can here with limited resources)
Why not?
They deserve to feel that I care and will fight for them.
Most people's CD4 count here by the way is between 15-25!!!!!
It should be greater than 500!!!
So even though I am not doing my passion; Obstetrics and Gynecology, NO Safe Motherhood, because of these insane circumstances of WAR!!!
I am TRULY happy to bring the love and joy of Jesus to these beautiful patients!!!
They love me so much but I love them MORE!!!!
Praise be Jesus Christ now and Forever!
Continue to pray for me please.

FAT WHITE WOMAN A LOT OF MONEY!!!!!

Have been here in Nzara now for almost 3 weeks.

Arrived here on December 16th. 

Was staying at the nice Volunteer Guest House that the Comboni Sisters (Nuns) have. 

It did not bother me that I was alone there with the Guard. 

NOW.....

Everything has changed here also!!!

My goodness...... is the insecurity following me?

Last Monday night, men entered a Convent near Yambio (about an hour drive from here) of the Solidarity Sisters and stole their 2 vehicles, their computers, their cell phone, money and everything they could get their hands on and then...

Assaulted one of them.....!!!! 

And beat a young volunteer. They were going to take her with them to the "bush" but somehow this woman managed to escape and hide. 

Starting the night before last night, (Friday) heavy gunfire heard here in Nzara. 

Last night gunfire most of the night. 

This morning 2 large blasts went off. 

Not sure if they were RPGs or actual Bombs as the Sisters said. 

The Nuns have suggested/ requested that I move in the Convent with them here. 

Not to be alone across the street at the Guest House. 

So yesterday I did. 

Also per the suggestion of the authorities and the Nuns, I have been requested NOT to walk anywhere alone not even up the street because now people are being abducted and women are being raped. 

I do not know how factual this is, or if this is a precaution or just a rumor BUT...

as my friend Moses from Uganda said, "Doctor just do it, life has NO spare...". 

Saturday I went to the Hospital with the Nun who is a Doctor. We biked together and came back together. 

This morning I walked the 100 feet to the church for Mass. Accompanied by the Sisters. 

Everyone knows that I like to do exercise and walk every afternoon and EVERYONE is coming up to me saying, "Doctor, do NOT go walking now anywhere at any time. You stay home. It is not safe. You are a fat, white woman. They will think to TAKE you for a lot of money." 

Thanks guys for caring about this FAT woman. 

Please pray for all of us here in South Sudan. 

In the Western Equatoria State. 

Maybe it is me...

It was famously quiet in Ezo, then war started, it was quiet in Yambio then war started. No one was abducted by the rebels but I was. It was quiet in Juba then killings started. It was quiet in Nzara now it has started here. 

Only common denominator is Rachael Consoli.....

OK, I know it is not me. 

Really I am SOOO grateful to our LORD for protecting me when I was abducted as those men did not touch or physically hurt me AT ALL!!! 

Even though that day I was wondering where the crown of Angels that my father prays everyday protect me was ...... 

the crown of Angels was there because I was not beaten nor much worse raped. 

Praise be Jesus Christ!!! 

Thank you dear Prayer Warriors for your continued prayers. 

BTW: I want you all to know that every day at the hospital we literally save lives. 

People very much need our services here now more than ever. 

I am grateful to God to have such an amazing vocation of being a life saver and hero to many everyday. 

A great friend told me the other day, "You have a noble work." 

Through God's grace of course. 

So please pray for our patients and our people here who are STILL in the bush suffering. 

Now I know why people in war zones die earlier deaths because the underlying stress of "insecurity" of what may happen next just eats at your mind and soul. 

God bless South Sudan.... 

God bless the Comboni Nuns who are treating me like one of their own community. 

So kind and loving. 

What amazing people I meet....!!!!!

One Month of War!!!!!!!!!

Can you imagine?
November 18th the war broke out in Ezo.
I was a blessed one evacuated by the United Nations.
But.......
My parish priest, my parish community, my beautiful pregnant women, my wonderful Gynecology patients, my local staff have been in the bush for one month now.
They are very low on food and water.
There have been 3 Maternal deaths in the past month since I left!!!!
Of course 3 babies as well.
The County Health Director sent me a copy of the "War" update report.
2 of the Maternal deaths were for simple malposition of the baby. (baby not in correct position)
Easily fixed with a less than 30 minute Cesarean Delivery.
1 death was for Post-partum hemorrhage.
Usually fixed with some basic steps and medicines.
If needed last resort (and I mean very last resort) to save the mother's life a hysterectomy.
So I feel like I want to know which one of my BEAUTIFUL pregnant patients that I love and make laugh attempting to speak Zande died?
Which 3?
I see all their smiling faces.
Please pray for them all.
I am here SAFE in Nzara with the Comboni nuns working at their hospital. So many interesting cases here.
A lot of severely dehydrated and malnourished women because no food or water in the bush and some manage to escape and make the 5 hour ride on the VERY DANGEROUS rode to Nzara from the various war zones.
Hoping that Ezo "cools" down so I can go back.
The United Nations does a "security" assessment.
I am so needed there.
Please pray for my parish priest Father Jacinto.

SAFE!!!!!!!

Thank you to all my friends, family, colleagues and prayer warriors!!!!!
I felt the prayers, thoughts and well wishes!!!
Since Tuesday afternoon, I have felt peace and security in my heart!!!!!
Today Thursday, I am in Juba the capitol city of South Sudan.
CMMB my organization is so wonderful!!!
They wanted me to have a week rest so I am at a hotel here in Juba and resting.
Of course there are some ground rules.
Do not leave the hotel alone.
Do not walk alone.
Agreed!!!!!!!
Of course I continue to pray for my beautiful Ezo and it's people. Who are STILL living in the bush in fear.
No food, no water.
Now it has been 2 full weeks since the conflict/insecurity/war started.
A person in Yambio told me yesterday that the pregnant women and children are sick. Living like that now for 2 weeks. Malaria, Typhoid, hunger, stress.
Many have left South Sudan to go to the Congo as refugees. Which is ironic considering we have a huge refugee camp in Ezo for the Congolese refugees. I am told it is completely empty.
Here I am enjoying running water, electricity, a soft bed and food.
I feel guilty. But I feel happy to have such things.
My mind is in conflict.
Should a missionary volunteer enjoy such luxuries?
But I am grateful to CMMB for being so caring to me.
When my week is up, I will maybe go to Nzara, with the Comboni Nuns who have a hospital there to work until Ezo is ready for me to come back.
Unfortunately in Nzara there is no Operating Room (Theater). But they DO have an ultrasound machine.
So this is sad to send patients to another referral hospital (Yambio) where they will NOT receive excellent surgical care.
But such is life in the Mission.
Like one of the CMMB staff said to me when I was saying to just send me back to Ezo.
"Dr Rachael, life has no spare. We need you, secure and alive."
Thank you Moses and thanks to all of YOU who pray for me and care about me.
God bless you abundantly!!!
Please pray I may go back to my Ezo to help all my beautiful pregnant mothers and lovely women!!!! They need me but I need them more.
They are my family and in my heart.
Please pray for those in Ezo.
Please pray for Peace in South Sudan.