KIDNAPPED!!!! I WAS TAKEN!!!!!!!

Yes.

Just when you think you are safe after being evacuated from the war zone, the conflict area. Just when you think things are better, they can become much worse very fast.

Yesterday, Sunday after Mass, at 10:30 AM I decided to exercise. Take a vigorous long walk (3-4 hours) for the first time since I left Ezo. In Ezo about 3 times per week I do so. Every day I take about a 1 hour walk. This helps me to meditate, clean my mind, and think better.

The streets were actually full with mostly women and children walking to and from church. At no point was I alone on the road.

After I crossed a small stream that had some wood covering it as a primitive bridge, a young man of about 18 asks me “Where are you going?” Now please understand that here every day, hundreds of people ask me any place I am walking this question. This is common practice. Even little children every day ask me this. So as per usual I told him, “I am walking.”

“Where?” he asked

“Just for exercise or sport” Funny how since no one except some soccer players do exercise, this is a difficult concept to grasp. But I felt this young man was a little more aggressive as he stood up and walked out into the road to ask me.

I continued walking. Then when I reached this little church, I just felt I should turn around.

But too late….

When I walked past that boy again, another boy who was drunk came out into the road and told me to stop right there. Since he was drunk I kept walking as I was talking telling them that I was going home and was just out walking for ‘sport’.

The first boy runs out into the road and tell me to STOP right there. Or he will arrest me. I asked how he could arrest me if he is not a police. He ran and from behind a tree grabbed a huge army rifle and cocked it pointed at me. 

I tried to get one of the 30 or so women and children walking on the road to help me but NO ONE defended me or told him to let me go. 

Maybe they were all scared. 

Very sad and scary situation when everyone looks away pretending not to see you, when NO ONE defends you, but I understand they are scared of them also.  

So I stopped walking.

He then told me to go and sit down. That I was walking on his territory and he does not know me. I could be a spy.

Oh… so I understood, he is a rebel or Arrow Boy or SSNLM (South Sudanese New Liberation Movement) person.

I explained I am a volunteer doctor working for free in Ezo helping HIS people, his wife, his mother, his daughter, and his sisters. I am with an organization called CMMB. I am a friend to all people and in Ezo have cared for hundreds of Arrow Boy women.

Of course this means nothing to him. He tells me I need to explain all this to his boss. I said fine. 

After 20 minutes his ‘boss’ arrives who also is intoxicated and again same questions, same accusations, then same explanation from me.

He states that I need to go and see his boss in the bush.

I asked him to please have mercy. I am sorry I was on his territory. Call the Arrow Boys in Ezo. I have cared for many of their women. Please let me go, I will never come here again. 

No, get on the motorbike and let us go to the bush to his boss.

So we drove into the bush for at least 45 minutes. 

Very scary as we go deeper and deeper in the bush, 

I started to quietly cry and then he yelled at me not to cry because someone on the road could think he hurt me. So I had to force myself not to cry. 

Not as easy as you would think.

Then we arrive to an area or compound where there were at least 50-75 men each with at least 2-3 rifles around their shoulders.

OH MY GOD!!!!!

In the back hiding in their Tukulos (huts) are some women and children. But they are ignoring me.

I am told to sit down.

I am told that this man in the middle is the Commander.

OK…..

He asks me what he should do with me.

I told him to please forgive me. I did not know it was his territory. Have mercy. I am a volunteer Doctor. I receive no pay. I help all his people in Ezo. I asked him to call his fellow rebels in Ezo to ask them about me. I explained that they all know me and love me.

He asked me why I was walking. I tried to explain for exercise. He does not get the concept. His younger men try to explain for sport, just to exercise. I explain, I am fat and want to reduce. He also does not get this concept and wants to know why I want to reduce. I try to explain for health. I find it so ironic that being fat and NOT doing exercise it more understandable to these people than trying to do exercise and reducing weight.

He states that he does not know who I am and someone needs to verify my identity. I told him let us call CMMB in Yambio. He states he does not know CMMB.  He will not call anyone from CMMB. He does not know or trust them. Who else?

I asked him if he trusts his own Arrow Boys or SSNLM people in Ezo. He said he does. I told him to call them. He apparently has someone do it and they tell him I was in the bush hiding with the Priest, that the priest is my friend.

He asks me if the Priest can verify my identity. Yes he can.

OK call him.

My FREAKING Network is not functioning. Also I have a new phone since my other one was not working and now was stolen from the CMMB compound in Ezo, that has all the phone numbers. On this phone I have 2 Priests number and the Deacon.

He tells me to give him the number. He goes to make the call. As the network is very crappy there in the FREAKING bush, it was difficult to call out.

Meanwhile the spokesperson of their group, the SSNLM (Arrow Boys/rebels) arrives and he is more educated and realizes they need to return me before they have trouble. He tells them from what I can gather that I can NOT go to the Congo with them. Thank God.

Finally the Commander finishes the call and tells me the priest identifies me and confirms all that I have said is true. OK. So let me go, right? NO…

Now he states that if the other tribe or the government sees me leaving they will kill me and blame it on them. So what can we do? Call the priest back and have him send someone to get me.

He states, “When a shirt falls into the river in the water what happens?”

I state, “It becomes wet.”

He states, “Exactly.”

I absolutely do not understand what he is trying to tell me. But later on someone explained that this means I need to help him.

He asks me what I can do for him.

I explain as a Doctor, if there is anyone sick, I can take care of them. I can help any woman here who is pregnant.

He says No, that he wants money and medicine.

I explain that I am from Ezo and had to be evacuated and all my things have been looted (stolen) in Ezo, that even to eat CMMB is the one to feed me.  That even the clothes I have on were donated by one of the midwives in CMMB.

Also for the medicines, if he wants we can go to Ezo and I can get medicines but here in Yambio I do not know even where they keep the medicines at the hospital. I explain I am a missionary. I have NO pay. No money. No medicine here.

Then he asks if I can connect him to the U.S. Embassy so they can help them. He tells me that God allowed me to come here to help them connect to the USA for help.

So I told him that when he releases me and I go back I can try and see what I can do for him. He likes that answer.

Then three hours later at 3:00pm still no one has come to get me. 2 journalists arrive, to interview the SSNLM and hear their demands. The journalist is very curious about me there. I can’t understand anything but he is asking about me.  The Commander explains something to him and starts to laugh. I see that the journalist is not convinced. When the journalist shakes my hand, I do NOT smile and I shake my head NO.

Apparently the Journalist goes back to the town and asks at the Curia (the Bishop’s house) if anyone knows me. They explain that yes and they are trying to come and rescue me. But they are having problems. So they send the motorbike driver (an Arrow Boy) who brought the journalists in the first place out to the bush to get me.

Meanwhile I am still in the bush. It is 4:00 pm and they are getting very anxious about me still being there after 4 hours. They keep saying that if the priests were serious they would have come and get me. They also say that they must leave and go to the Congo and to other places and I am delaying them. Now is the first time I get really anxious because I realize this is how people get shot and killed when the captors get nervous and want to get rid of this “problem” which by the way they created!

Then God had mercy on me and it started to rain. So they were distracted. We waited until the rain stopped. They could not leave either in the rain on motorbikes.

So I suggest we call CMMB. They will send a truck for me. They agree. I call CMMB. They of course immediately answer and say they will come.

Meanwhile the Arrow Boy motorbike guy comes and puts the priest on the phone who tells me to get on the motorbike and leave immediately and not to wait for CMMB to arrive because these people are now wanting to leave the area and wanting to get rid of me.

So I get on the bike and back we come. We go to the Curia. I called CMMB who immediately arrives to get me. But the Arrow Boy motorbike guy wants to take me to the National Security office to verify that I have not been physically harmed by the SSNLM/rebels.

CMMB people tell him, they will take me in the truck. So we go to the National Security Office. The director explained to me, in his opinion, who these SSNLM people are, their etiology, and their goals. He tells me do not make the same mistake again walking, crossing into their territory. That if the peace agreement had not been signed a few days ago I would probably be taken to the Congo, raped, hurt, killed and God only knows what else.

I assure him that I will not make that mistake again.

He says, “You leave now.”

Shakes my hand, and that is it. 

5 hours of my abduction, kidnapping is over. 

One hour of interrogation is over.

Conflict and war means no rest, no security ever. It is always present. 

This morning I called the CMMB program manager to ask if I could come walking to the office from the hotel. He said it was safe to do so. But I felt for the first time ever as a missionary, volunteer, world traveler real anxiety to walk the streets. 

But I made myself do so. 

I must NOT let fear continue to eat at my heart.

It is not over. 

The conflict continues. 

My parish priest in Ezo, Fr. Jacinto is sick, he is STILL in the bush after almost 13 days. The Deacon is still there as well. They are not eating properly. The CHD (County Health Director) of Ezo is bringing him medicine for malaria.

The Rebels are still seeking monetary compensation for me. This morning they came to the CMMB compound asking for money. 

So now I have been told I am NOT to walk anywhere alone. I must take the CMMB vehicle even for the short distance between the compound and the hotel. 

The National Security Office now has me as a possible threat to National Security. Because they can't understand what I was doing out walking. 

All I can say is DAMN exercise!!!!!!

I really do not feel safe here in Yambio. I know this feeling will pass but everyone I see is a possible spy for one side or the other checking up on me. 

I know this is NOT real but after everyone has been telling me this to scare me, I am starting to believe this. 

Thank God I am going to Juba on Wednesday for R&R and then going to Nzara Hospital to be with the Comboni nuns until things “cool down” in Ezo.

CMMB administration here has been so wonderful to me, so supportive and understanding.

Conflict like this between tribes is horrible. It never ends because the hatred never ends.

God please send your peace to South Sudan.

Pray for my Parish priest and the Deacon still in the bush.

Pray for me that my heart becomes peaceful and secure again. 

I miss walking. I miss exercise. 

I never thought I would say that. 

I am ALIVE!!!!! I SURVIVED!!!!!

 Last Wednesday I was at work, calmly finishing the blood pressures and weights of our pregnant mothers at the ANC (antenatal clinic).
I had just gone into the room where we measure fundal heights and fetal heart rates when I received a call from a friend who is a teacher who is not from Ezo, "Doctor, just so you do not become alarmed, all the children ran away from the school. We are expecting trouble this morning. If you can't get home go to the church."
Boy was that an understatement!!!!!
When I walked out of that office the hospital was deserted. How can 50 pregnant women run away so fast??
Then a midwife came to me and told me we need to go immediately to the CMMB compound because there is going to be trouble today between the soldiers who are from one tribe and the "rebels" who are from another tribe.
As we were walking away from the hospital, gunfire started.
We could not get home as our CMMB compound is past the Army Barracks.
So I suggested we run to the church. In the opposite direction.
The roads are deserted and the 6 of us CMMB staff went to the church.
The Catholic Priest and Deacon welcomed us and then the gunfire and RPGs (huge guns that make alot of noise) started to go off so we went to the bush to hide.
Among the ants, mosquitos and insects laying on the ground. Covered in the leaves, branches and trees.
Then after a few hours of war, the noise stopped and we were able to go back to the Parish Home.
A old woman was brought with a gunshot wound in her hip. They wanted me to help her. She had an entrance and exit wound and "only" soft tissue was injured.
She was in the right place (hiding in the bush) at the wrong time, a soldier was shooting and she was hit with a stray bullet.
So I cleaned the wound and dressed it and bathed her dirty body and we hid her in the priest's veranda.
The Catholic priest Fr. Jacinto and the Deacon Vairi were so kind. They gave us tea, hot chocolate, milk (great treat here) and food. The also had the altar boys boil hot water for us to bath.
Then the war started again.
Back to the bush.
That is where we stayed for 2 nights and 3 days. Then a guard from the abandoned U.N. compound came to get us to bring us to the UN compound in Ezo (abandoned because there was never trouble in Ezo).
That was a tension filled walk as the rebels were every where but left us alone and we were fearing meeting any of the soldiers who would be angry that the guard was walking us to the compound. At least that was what I was told.
We arrived at the ABANDONED UN compound and we had no water or food but shelter. So some little woman from another NGO (non-governmental organization) called World Vision left the compound alone and went to her home and retrieved food!!! How freaking brave!!!!
Then the next day Friday, a UN convoy with tanks and soldiers with huge guns came to rescue us.
They were surprised we did not have our passports or luggage. We tried to explain that we were at work when this started. They were very understanding and helped us so much.
God bless the U.N. people who rescued us.
The streets in Ezo were abandoned.
Except for the soldiers who were all out with guns. The rebels were all out with guns.
They were kind enough to allow the entire convoy to pass by our different NGO compounds.
Then.......
We left Ezo.
All the humanitarian workers in the area.
So now Ezo has NO ONE to help any one.
Then in the UN convoy from Ezo to Yambio (a 4-5 hour drive) they felt it was dangerous to continue so we stopped for the night and slept in the bush again.
Finally on the weekend we arrived in Yambio.
Our luggage was confiscated by the Security Police in Yambio thinking that we were helping the rebels.
How ridiculous!!!
Of course the soldiers and the rebels are our patients. All their wives, sisters, mothers, daughters are my patients.
I know them all.
I love them and serve them all.
War is so senseless.
Everyone in Ezo is hiding in the bush.
The 2 pregnant women who have transverse babies that had scheduled Cesarean Sections this week will eventually go into labor and eventually their babies will die and then they will die.
All the HIV patients who CMMB gives advanced treatment to will get sick.
The many women who suffer from Gynecologic illness and who were scheduled for surgery will bleed until very anemic and eventually die.
The many women who we follow for possible ectopic pregnancy and need surgery will die.
War is costly.
War is horrible.
Today Wednesday a week later, I finally received my laptop from the jail. They realized we did not help the rebels. Whatever....
This morning I called my friend the Deacon and he is still with Father Jacinto hiding in the bush. This morning many bombs and RP Gs went off.
A delegation from the government and leaders was going to Ezo to discuss peace and cease fire but with the intense fighting they turned back and did not reach Ezo.
My beautiful Ezo is destroyed.
My beautiful patients are hiding in the bush.
My beautiful mothers are suffering.
My heart is broken.
The only positive learning experience is now I know which leaves to use to wipe for number one and which to use to wipe for number two.
Also I know the perfect distance to squat; not to low as to have sticks and leaves poke you as you relieve yourself and not to high as to then soil yourself.
Please pray for my Ezo and my patients.

GET UNDER YOUR BED!! GUNSHOTS!!!

Last night around 11:30 PM. gun shots started very close to my house. For about 2 full minutes there was shooting continuously.
Then after that a few more.
I was still awake as I had been speaking on the phone until 11:00 PM and was reading my book.
I slowly got up and went to the window.
The owner of the compound where I live was quietly but quickly collecting all his belongings from outside and he and his 3 wives were still chatting but working to "close" the compound.
The midwife from Uganda happened to be sleeping at my house instead of her usual place at the CMMB compound because we had been told that there were insecurity issues this week. She did not feel safe at the CMMB compound so she came to my house.
We have been told that the local "Arrow Boys" who are the Zande rebels against the soldiers, are in the bush and are looting and stealing from people to survive in the "bush".
She came to my bedroom door and informed me that I should get under my bed and close all the windows.
Also I had just dialed a friend to inquire if that friend had also heard the gunshots. My friend had not. But also told me to close all my windows and get under the bed.
Annet the midwife called the CMMB administration in Yambio and they told her to not go outside the house. (Thanks for stating the obvious)
A few more gunshots were heard.
That was it.
This morning as usual I got up at 6:00 AM and went walking to Mass. Everyone greeted me as if nothing happened but I knew they were all talking about the gunshots.
I found out when I went to work that the "Arrow Boys" had been in the "bush" and had demanded supplies from the local Commissioner and he did not comply.
So they went to the solar panels of our ENTIRE WATER SUPPLY in Ezo and stole them. Now we will soon have absolutely no water.
They do not realize that they are hurting the people. Their people, whom they claim to be protecting. Not the Commissioner, what does he care. He has people to bring him water.
I am so saddened that we will have no water because of this reason.
Because of this "insecurity" the hospital is so different today and the past 2 weeks.
We did have office patients today in our Obstetrics and Gynecology Surgery department. But very few.
Of course still NO Gynecology Surgery patients at the hospital. They ran to the "bush" to wait for the insecurity to finish.
The entire week only 2 women delivered at the hospital, the rest are delivering at home or worse in the "bush" then come after delivery for complications only.
This makes me sad because my favorite patients are all the pregnant ones. I love these wonderful, funny, joyful loving mothers and mothers to be.
How conflict is so cruel to women and children. More so than to the men who start it.
By the way one complication was a 16 year old who delivered her first baby in the "bush" and came to our facility because of bleeding. Well the little patient had a fourth (4th) degree tear. Which in non-medical language is she tore herself all the way to her rectum.
Thank God in my residency, one of my senior residents, Dr. Creighton Likes III who is now a Fertility specialist in South Carolina taught me how to repair a 4th degree, it is not common. Since residency I have only had to repair about 25 and all have been during my Mission trips and volunteer experiences.
So since this girl was only 16, and this will affect her the rest of her life,  I was very glad that the CMMB midwife from Uganda had the prudence to call me.
Can you imagine if this girl had come to deliver in the hospital? She would have probably not had this complication.
No wonder why people speak of stress in war time. Even though I do not really fear and feel safe, still the constant rumors and talk have even taken their toll on me. I now understand in a very limited and small way the reason for Post traumatic stress syndrome.
Funny Story:
My friend that I told you about that I was speaking to on the phone, when I told that friend that Annet told me to close the windows and I feel that I will die of the heat.
My friend who I had woken up from sleep did not understand that I said from the heat and said to me, "You will not die!!" in a very serious manner.
At least that caused me to laugh the rest of the night.
Thank God for humor and laughter and great friends!!!!
Please keep me in your prayers.
But MORE importantly pray for the people of South Sudan and for the Arrow Boys.
That we will soon have true and lasting PEACE!!!
God bless beautiful South Sudan. This is a beautiful country and the people are even more beautiful!!!
I want to live here forever..........

Loosing weight

Very funny how other cultures view weight issues.
Because most people here do not over eat and do not have any processed food, and work physically so hard every day.
Most people are a healthy weight.
BUT.....
People here take "medicine" to gain weight.
Men here feel they are successful if they have a very large abdomen.
Women all want to be "thick".
So since I arrived here I have lost some weight.
People are now telling me to stop loosing weight.
That my family will not recognize me when I get back and they will be angry with me for loosing weight in Africa and my family will think that I was suffering here.
I try to explain that in my country to be overweight is something that is seen as negative.
That in my father's home country of Italy to be overweight is seen as very negative.
Believe me people, I am still overweight. Still obese.
Even the people I work with from Uganda are saying that women look better in clothes when they are fat. That I should not loose any more weight or I will look bad.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Every culture is so interesting. As humans though we are so much the same. Our DNA as humans is so similar in such a large percentage.
Not to sound cheesy but we are ONE race the HUMAN race.
We always desire the opposite of what we have. We want what we cannot have.
So I will continue to eat the local food and walk everywhere as I have been doing.
The women and men here will continue to take "supplements" to gain weight.
The women in Italy will continue to have the lowest BMIs in Europe and American women will continue to be obsessed with weight loss.
My family will be happy for me that I lost weight.
Human beings......

GUN SHOTS!!!

So we are in a state of "insecurity".
We are told that 2 soldiers have been shot and a civilian was injured. Also the Commissioner of the neighboring county was shot. The chief of the "Payam" or village was shot.
In a neighboring village there is fighting for these reasons.
Last night in peaceful Ezo, there was gunshots.
3 of them.
I heard them very clearly.
We are told that a former commissioner is causing this trouble here.
Then this morning there was gun shots as well.
People are running from Ezo to the "bush". There is complete chaos.
People are running in all directions. So who knows where it is safe?
We were told last night that we would evacuate.
Last night I was told when I was going to my house to make sure I did not turn on my flashlight or torch as they call it here. To not open the door to anyone. To close all my windows (the only request I did NOT comply with).
Also to prepare a bag for emergency evacuation.
I really dislike all this fear and all these rumors.
For some reason I am not scared. I feel secure. I feel like I want to stay with "my" people here.
One of my very good friends reassured me that most of the trouble are the rumors and unfounded fear. This friend texted me updates during the night so I felt safe. What a wonderful friend!!
This morning when I woke up I decided to refuse to let fear enter my heart.
GOD gave me this gift.
I walked to Mass as I always do everyday.
I greeted people along the way. People were actually so happy to see me. They felt reassured that I was not evacuated or hiding at home.
After Mass I went to the hospital.
Thank God I did because a woman was there crying. She was having an Abortion or Miscarriage. So I took care of her.
She needed a D&C. Only I can perform this so thank God I was there to do this.
Then as today is Wednesday, the pregnant women were at the hospital waiting our ANC (antenatal clinic).
I was told by some of the staff to send them home.
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
If these women walked here I am going to respect that and see every last one of them.
Which we did!!!
We also saw our surgical patients.
Although the theater attendant told me that today we will NOT operate. I did not push the issue because if they are all against it I do not want to force the surgeries.
The hospital staff that was there was so happy that I came to work.
We were laughing and really feeling like we can make a peaceful situation here.
I realize all our bravado does not stop the shooting all around us.
I realize that me going to Mass and the Hospital and seeing patients does not automatically cause peace in South Sudan but guess what?
Everyone that we encountered today felt so happy that I was there. That I was brave and came walking to Mass and walking to the Hospital.
Human beings desire peace.
I saw that today so clearly. there is no doubt in my mind that we are the vehicles of peace in this world.
As the song states so clearly:
"Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me."
All my blog readers: pray for peace in South Sudan. Please pray for my safety and the safety of all the wonderful people of South Sudan.
By the way for those of you who are worried. CMMB is still discussing if we should be evacuated or not so I will keep you posted. I do NOT want to leave.
What a blessing to have peace in your country!!!